Make the Most of Your One on Ones
Dev Leader Weekly 90
TL; DR:
Check out these actionable 1:1 tips!
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Make the Most of Your One on Ones
If you’re showing up to your 1:1 with your manager and thinking:
Uhhh… so… what do I talk about?
You’re not alone. Seriously. I hear this all the time.
But here’s the truth: If you’re always coming in cold, you're wasting one of the best tools for career growth, team alignment, and personal support.
As an engineering manager, I wanted to share some advice with you so that you can try to squeeze a little bit more value out of your one on ones. If you want to hear me discuss this topic, you can check out this vlog entry from Code Commute:
And before we dive, one reminder: There's no single right way to approach one on ones. You'll need to find what works for you, so these tips should give you some options!
Tip 1: Don’t Wait for Your Manager to Drive It
Sure, your manager will probably have things to discuss. But you're missing a huge opportunity if you walk in waiting to be asked how things are going.
Some managers will steamroll the entire conversation if you don't carve out some time to discuss topics. If they happen to be picking all the topics you'd like to go over, that's not so bad -- but odds are that's not the case.
Do some prep work so you have an idea going into the conversation. Trying to come up with ideas on the spot is not a recipe for success.
Actionable Advice:
Keep a lightweight running doc with topics as they come up during your week.
Bring 2 or 3 talking points to every meeting: blockers, wins, concerns, or questions.
Don't assume your manager sees everything you’re dealing with -- they don’t. As much as we'd like to!
Tip 2: Get Unstuck Technically or Interpersonally
Stuck on a problem? Seeing friction with a teammate? Feeling unsure how to bring something up with the team?
This is exactly what your manager is there for. In fact, you shouldn't wait for a weekly or bi-weekly one on one if you're really stuck, but it can be a great opportunity to get some air time for the challenges that are blocking you.
Actionable Advice:
Say: “Hey, I’ve been hitting a wall with this. Can I walk you through it?”
Or: “There’s something weird in the team dynamic I’m noticing. Can I get a sanity check?”
Don’t bottle up tension or ambiguity. Your manager can help you problem-solve, escalate, or clarify.
Tip 3: Talk About Growth
Want to grow into a senior role? Shift toward architecture? Get better at leading projects?
It's going to be a lot more challenging if you're not having conversations about it. As much as we'd all love it if our managers could read minds... They can't.
Unfortunately, the flip side is also true: you can't read their mind. So when you're bringing up discussion points about growth in your career, use this as an opportunity to get feedback and alignment.
Actionable Advice: Bring at least one growth-oriented question each month:
“What would it look like for me to grow into a tech lead role?”
“What gaps do you think I have for the next level?”
“What’s one area I could level up in this quarter?”
Your manager can’t help you grow if you’re not talking about what growth means to you. It might not be a topic of discussion every one on one, but make sure you're getting some airtime for it with your manager.
Tip 4: Ask Questions That Might Not Suit a Standup
Some things don’t belong in the team Slack or a daily standup. You can use one on ones to zoom out and go deep.
While I've seen this fit with all levels of software engineers, I often see more junior engineers lean into this. Personally, I think it's great!
I've had interns and new developers ask about different areas our team is responsible for, our architecture, why things are the way they are, and where we might be heading. It's been a great opportunity for them to be curious and have a conversation about topics that sometimes feel out of place in other team meetings or team chats.
I'm always open to spending time discussing things like this with my team members. If they're expressing curiosity, I'd like to get them the answers they need -- and if I don't have them, we can BOTH learn from following up on it later!
Actionable Advice:
Curious about how priorities are shifting? Ask.
Want to know how leadership viewed the last release? Ask.
Need feedback on how you came across in a tough meeting? Ask.
One on ones should be a safe place for what you'd like to discuss. If you feel uncomfortable asking about it in a different forum, hopefully you can build that trust with your manager. Which conveniently brings us to tip #5.
Tip 5: Build Trust. It Compounds.
Don’t just treat your one on one like a status report. I'll be the first to admit that I have no problem if my team wants to come to one on ones and lead with status updates -- the floor is theirs. But I do want to make sure we don't make it a habit to ONLY focus on status updates.
One on ones are a great opportunity for relationship building. And strong relationships are fuel for trust, candor, and resilience on a team.
As an engineering manager, I try to make space for this so that my team trusts that they can come to me with anything. This advice might be more situational depending on your manager's leadership style, but I think it's important to find ways to build trust between you and your manager.
Actionable Advice:
It’s okay to share when you’re feeling stuck, burned out, or frustrated.
Follow up on topics from past chats if you need closure on them or they've been dropped -- managers are people too.
Share feedback about how your manager can best support you, whether that's something they're doing well or something they could improve on.
The more open and consistent you are, the better these meetings get over time.
What to Bring to Your Next One on One
Trying to piece it all together, let's go over things you can discuss in your next one on one:
A small win or success story
A challenge or something slowing you down
A question about priorities, direction, or team health
One growth-related question or reflection
(Optional) Something personal or light to humanize the conversation
You don’t need to hit all five. But even one or two will take your 1:1s from "meh" to meaningful. You can rotate in different ones next time or focus on ones that you feel are creating more meaningful conversations beyond just status updates.
Remember: One-on-ones aren’t just a checkbox. They’re your private lane to steer your career, influence your team, and get real support.
Use it well.
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As always, thanks so much for your support! I hope you enjoyed this issue, and I'll see you next week.
Nick “Dev Leader” Cosentino
social@devleader.ca
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