Engineering Management Is Being Gatekept?!

Dev Leader Weekly 93

May 03, 2025

TL; DR:

It's not always about ill-intent
You can still drive progress in this career track
Check out the livestream (or view the recording) on Monday, May 5th at 7:00 PM Pacific!

Engineering Management Is Being Gatekept

This is a tricky one -- and it comes up more often than you’d think. While it's not the case for every engineer, there are certainly some that are interested in working towards a management role.

Here's what it often looks like though: An engineer expresses interest in becoming an engineering manager, and what they get back isn’t exactly encouragement.

In fact, it sometimes sounds like a wall:

"Management sucks, trust me."
"You need to be more senior first."
"Why would you want that?"

Naturally, that feels like gatekeeping. And... sometimes, it is.

But often, it's more complicated -- and more human -- than that. So let's unpack it in this newsletter. You can also check out the video on Code Commute if you're interested in more:

Not Everyone is Trying to Block You

One thing I’ve observed (and experienced myself) is that managers don’t always know how to progress people toward EM roles.

There often aren’t open EM roles.
There’s not always a clear growth path.
Sometimes, they’ve never successfully helped someone make that leap before.

So what happens? They default to avoidance. Or worse -- they discourage entirely.

From the outside, that looks like gatekeeping. But from the inside, they may just be unsure how to support you. This doesn’t excuse poor communication, but it’s important context.

Actionable Tip:
If you sense hesitation, ask directly:

"Can you help me understand what would make me a good candidate for EM in your view?"

I also encourage you to try looking at things through a different lens when they don't seem to add up to you. It's often that people aren't malicious -- so try to keep that in mind when it feels like someone is working against you.

But...

Sometimes it IS Gatekeeping

There are also cases where managers simply do not want to invest in developing someone toward management.

They may feel threatened.
They may worry about losing good ICs.
They may not value growing others as leaders.

This is gatekeeping. And it’s bad leadership. Full stop.

Helping people grow -- even when that growth takes them elsewhere -- is core to a manager's responsibility. It's not writing code and it's not being an architect. While there are technical aspects to the engineering manager role, it's a people-first position.

The reality is that if you don't help people grow, they eventually leave, or disengage and underperform. So either you invest in them or expect that they'll leave.

Actionable Tip:
If you feel stonewalled, seek mentors outside your immediate chain of command to help guide your path.

Management Is a Different Role, NOT a Promotion

If you’re aiming for management, let’s get real about this too:

It’s a people-centric job.
If you don’t want to solve people problems, it’s probably not the right path. You'll very likely not enjoy it if you don't like focusing on helping others.
It’s not about writing more code.
At scale, good EMs are not hands-on in the codebase daily. It's not that you can't or shouldn't code, it's that it doesn't scale if you need more time for the management and leadership aspects of the role.
It may require proving yourself at a higher IC level first.
This is often misunderstood -- but demonstrating impact and leadership at a senior IC level is typically necessary. Minimally, it's beneficial to be able to successfully operate at this level as an IC.

Actionable Tip:
Ask yourself honestly -- do you enjoy mentoring and solving people challenges? If not, management may not be a good fit (and that's okay).

Are You Feeling Blocked?

Let's discuss some actions that you can take when you're feeling blocked in this situation.

Clarify your intent and interests openly.
Make sure your manager knows this is something you’re serious about.
Ask for development opportunities.
This doesn’t mean asking for the title. It means asking for chances to grow in that direction: mentoring, onboarding, leading small projects.
Have honest conversations about timelines and expectations.
Understand what’s realistic, what’s available, and what gaps you need to close.
Recognize when you may need to change teams or companies to achieve your goal.
Sometimes, your path won’t open where you are -- and that’s okay.
Make a plan.
Build a personal development plan with your manager that focuses on leadership skill-building.

Remember, if you're really junior, there might be quite some time in your career before a management role makes sense. That's okay! You can still focus on finding opportunities where you're putting more focus on people skills.

Final Thought

If you're getting vague discouragement, read between the lines.

Sometimes, that's them telling you they don't think you're ready (yet).
Sometimes, that's them telling you they don't want to help.
Sometimes, they don't actually know how to help.

Either way -- clarity is your best friend. Push for clarity and ask for growth opportunities.

If necessary, push your career forward elsewhere. You deserve to be supported, not stalled.

Dev Leader Weekly